


im not okay (i promise)

by uwukeres



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Crack Treated Seriously, Drama, F/M, Galra Keith (Voltron), Galra Shiro (Voltron), Goth Keith (Voltron), Goth Shiro (Voltron), Graphic Depictions of Outfit Choices, Hippy Allura (Voltron), Hoe Aesthetic, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Jock Shiro (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, My Immortal AU, Out of Character, Past Relationship(s), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), References to My Immortal, Size Difference, Sort Of, Swearing, Underage Smoking, like 80 different descriptions of peen, look its explained, okay i think thats it sorry, s o r t of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-23 13:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwukeres/pseuds/uwukeres
Summary: my meme for the sheith big meme event."Howdy, My name is Keith Yorak Dementia Raven Yeehaw-Kogane and I have a long black mullet with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid back and deep purple eyes like a swirling dark amethyst void in space and a lot of people tell me I look like Steven Yeun (but he’s a prep so fuckk!! Off!!)."





	1. bring me tf to life

**Author's Note:**

> glossary of names:  
> Yorak - Keith  
> Shiro - Kuron  
> Pigde - Pillage  
> Lance - Ligma  
> Hunk - Punk  
> Killer - Krolia  
> Kosmo - Khaos  
> Allura - Aura

Howdy, My name is Keith Yorak Dementia Raven Yeehaw-Kogane and I have a long black mullet with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid back and deep purple eyes like a swirling dark amethyst void in space and a lot of people tell me I look like Steven Yeun (but he’s a prep so fuck off!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but goddamn I wish I was, he’s a such a panty wetter. Im a galra too, but i have straight white teeth and no fucking furry ears. My skin is white and pale, nothing like the purple shit that galra usually have. Im also a wizard (unfortunately) and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts Bitchcraft and Misery in the middle of fucking no where. So in short, Utah. Im 18 according to my tottally real ID card and i like to wear alternative clothes. Im a texan goth and iI wear mostly black. Even though our school has a strict uniform we’re required to ear, i like to dress up under my robes just for the egde of intimidation. For insatnce, under my equally black robe I had a tight ether trousers (my dick is screaming for sweet, sweet release) with a mesh top with fishnets on my arms and legs. I lso had on large platfor boots so I could stare the preppiest boy in Hogwarts ded in the eye, Takashi Shirogani. I also wore a giant o-ring choker, and coated my fce with heavy white foundation and black lipstic, and with a flick of eyeliner, My deep amethyst eyes that were the colour f fresh mottled bruises were finally finished in a okay amount of eyeliner. I looked out of the window in the prefects bathroom (They're all a bunch of fucking preps. I shoved my middle finger in ones face and then had Pilage pickpocket the key off of him) and realized it was snowing and raining with no sun, which made my black lips smile. 

 

I left the bathroom, my large black cowboy hat catching on the doorway and kocking off of my hair. I cursed and picked it back up and heard a deep aamerican voice shout at me. 

“Hey Yorak!” shouted a voice. I looked up.. It was Takashi Shirogane!

“Fuck off, I told you to call me Keith.” I cursed back 

“Sorry” He said apologetically.

But then, I heard the hoots that belonged to only Pilage and Ligma, and slipped away from the big beefy prep so It wouldn't ruin my image. 

\--

The next day I woke up in the sleeping pod and squinted out the window. It was snowing and raining again (fuck Utah) and push open the clear sliding glass of my pod. I drank a sip from the bottle of quintessence from beside me and push open the sliding fogged door of my pod. My Galrn pod was a sleek metallic black on the outside with a bright cherry red custom interior. It hissed open and I took of my giant MCR t-shirt that I wore as pajamas. Instead, I put on a skin-tight shiny leather tracksuit and a chunky belt with a pentagram buckle and spikes all in the leather. I also put on hot red fishnets on under the tracksuit (The knees were completely taken out) and spiky black combat boots that I didnt steal from the quidditch room. I put on four pairs of skull errings in my peirced ears and put my hair into a large, ugly messy bun. My friend, Ligma woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his 2008 beiber cut out of his icey blue orbs that were the colour of limpid tears. He put on a large black crop top that said “TOP CLIQUE” on the front with short mini shorts that were shiny latex, fishnets on one arm and two on his legs. He also put on shiny PVC kinky boots. We (By we i mean me) put on our makeup for the day, then covered all of our hard work with bland Hogwart robes. 

“Oh my quiznaking god! I saw you talking to Takashi yesterday!” He squeeled like the toddler he is.

“Yeah? So?” I spit in his direction, sprinting out of the common room to get away from his questions. 

“You always had a thing for big beefy preps right?” Ligma asked again. Fuck him for kinkshaming me. 

He caught upp to me in the great hall (somehow. I can’t run in those goddamn boots) out of breath. 

“Yeah right. I cant count on one hand how many you’ve dated in the past year.” He exclaimed.

Then, Ligmas luck decided to completely shit out during a hip bump, turning to a full lanky body crah thatt sent me flying against a wall. Except, when I looked up, it wasnt a wall at all. It was that Grade A Beef Cake prep from earlier. 

“Hi” Takashi he said.

“Howdy,” I replied flatly.

“So-- theres a concernt in Hogsmeade--” He stuttered over his words. It was hot. Or maybe it was just him.

“The MCR Reunion tour? Yeah, so what?” I crossed my arms at him all defensively. 

“Do-- You really like My Chemical Romance right?? I can um-- get your tickets at.. At the same time I get mine.” The beefcake blushed. 

I stared at him. Ligma gasped and fainted onto the floor.

-

That night, I brute forced my way back into the prefects bathroom by flashing my deep vioet knife that was sharper than that dumbass preps jaw line and started getting ready for the concert. I pulled my heavy plated black boots out of Khaos’ mouth and put them on. Underneath them were red ripped fishnets overlayed with black ones and thigh high socks over those. Then i put on this wide bat long tunic (It wasnt a dress) with a bright red corset corset that I put a spiky belt over. On my hands I had black fishnets with red gloves on with a few bracelets that matched my belt. I even straightened my hair which backfired and just made it look really spikey. A preppy prefect came in then, so I toook out my switchblade and waved it at them while Khaos growled menacingly. I suddenly felt a litte sad, so I let Khaos eat the prefect while I read A book about mothman. I didnt bother utting on foundation, but i did put on bright red lipstick and tons of black eyeliner that made it look like i already had a fun night. I pregamed on a bit of quintessence and left becuse i was ready for the concert.

I went outside and Ligma and Pillage were leaning against my motor bike that was the colour of a ebony blade but enchanted so it shifted to red. Pillage looked at me and waved depressingly. She had painted her hair purple and was wearing sharp eyeliner with red shadow that made her look like a druggie. She also took Ligmas Twenty One Pilots crop top (They were opening at the concert) and Ligma looked the same as he was this morning, except he had big black and blue tripp pants on and a type of harness on his chest with fishnets covering his nipples. 

“Boy, Howdy” I tipped my hat at them depressingly. 

“Hi Keith!” They both replied in unison. We got in my motor cycle that had a liscense plate that said 666 on it and smoked the devils lettuce and drank vodka. Straight Vodka. On the way there Ligma kept hollering lyrics to MCR behind me, and I even joined in for Teenagers. When we goth there, we all hopped off of my bike. Ligma and Pillage peaced out to me and started going to the bar for drinks. I nodded sadly at them but went to the front of the stage to mosh.

I was pushing through the crowd when a wide white back covered in mesh stopped me. I punched him in the shoulder to get him to move thee fuck out of my way and gasped.

It was the prep!!

But he didnt look like a prep anymore, He had gothic yellow contacts in with eyeliner on that made them look sharper. His hair was styled in a mohawk, the pure white looking like bone against the lights. He grinned at me and I even saw some fang there. He looked hard as fuck. He made me hard as fuck. He grabbed me by the waist with a clawed black hand and dragged me against his beefy chest. My head knocked into his pecs, and they felt like pure concrete. We both started jumping up and down to My Chemical Romance. 

“Love, gimme love, gimme love, I don't need it  
But I'll take what I want from your heart and I'll keep it  
In a bag, in a box, put an X on the floor  
Gimme more, gimme more, gimme more, shut up and sing it with me  
Na, na,…” sang Gerard Way, that beautiful bastard.  
“I fucking love Gerard Way!” I said throwing my head back to better make direct eye contact with the singer. 

I felt his hands slip down my waist and thought he was going to cop a feel but when i looked back at him he looked like a kicked puppy. A hot kicked puppy but it was tragic. I yanked him forward by his choker once i caught on.

“I dont like him better than you!” I said, fluttering my eyelashes.

“Really?” He asked, eyes fluttering down to my cherry red lips.

“Really. I dont even know him, T….” I Narrowed my eyes.

“What did you say your name was?” I asked.

He pulled me back against his brick wall of a chest, “I didnt. Kuron.” He growled.

“Oh. Kuron.” My lips popped into a O shape before i threw my head back and shouted.

“I don't even know him personally. Besides, his wife is fucking creepy with the back thing!” I yelled at him, glossy lips curling. I'm not jealous. I am not.

The night continued on like that and I had a time that consisted pureply of making eyes at Kuron. He ha d good time too, if the 12 person tent he pitched was any indication. We did shots while making agressive eye contact with eachother and then crawled over to Gerard Way and the Drummer for a autograph and t-shirts. We didnt get them because there werent any big enough to fit Kurons beef under. He weeped yellow glowing tears that he couldnt get one, but I pulled him forward by his collar and licked the tears away. 

We kissed passionately after that and Kuron led me back to his black merdecez benz. It was alot roomier than the bike. I threw up out of the window miserably and I even lost my favourite black, wide brimmed cowboy hat. I cried, and Kuron took me back to Hogwarts.


	2. teenagers scare the living shit outta me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zarkon got this dude-ur-such-a-fucking-bottom look on his face. “Everyone knows at Hogwarts, thy dumbass thot.” He answered cruelly. “And if you doth decide not to kill Aura, thou knows what will happen to Kuron.” He Shouted. Then he turned, and Naruto sprinted back out of the Forbidden Forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly cockblocking sheith is the best thing ever

The next day I woke up in my pod.I put on tight blacke pants, with a cropped leather jacket over it that had spikes all over the shoulders. I put on two pairs of skull errings and a pair off upside down crosses. I reached down to grab my hat when I realized it wasntthere. I felt deep misery spike in my body cavity (I sold my soul at a Dennys when i was in fifth year) and painted my hair with red streaks in it.

In the Great Hall, I was about to sit down but I noticed something black on my seat. It was my hat!! It had a black rose on it and in deep red gothic writing had a >:( face. I put it on and felt my lips do a weird smile thing. I ate some count chocula cereal with quintessence instead of milk, with a glass of glowing yellow quintessence. Suddenly someone bumped into me. The quintessence spilled over my jacket.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when i looked up cause I was looking into the tanned face of a gothic girl with spiky white hair with blue streaks in it. SHe was wearing so much eyeliner that it just dripped down her face like black tears and she had black lipstick. She didnt wear that stupid frilly dress anymore and had yellow contact lenses just like Kurons and there was no Altean marks under her eyes anymore. She had a feminine full lips. She had a sultry english accent. She looked like Amy Lee. She was so hot that my body went all hot and into survival mode. I sort off got wet only im a guy so i didn't get wet you fuck.

“Im so sorry.” She said shyly 

I looked back down at my jacket that looked like Khaos had just fucking puked all over it. I looked back at her.

“Whats your name?” I grumbled

“Allura Altyon. Although most people call me Aura now a days.” She said

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because my aura is so dark.” She giggled.

“So is mine.” I confessed. 

“Really?” She whimpered in pure arousal.

“Yeah.” I roared, dry as a bone. 

She sat down and talked at me for a while while I ate my food and ignored her. It was going sucessfully until Ligma came and draped hiimself over my entire bowl of food. I sat back and crossed my arms. 

“What the fuck.” I asked 

“Ive got a surprise for you!” Ligma said depressingly. 

He rolled off the table and grabbed at my hand. I allowed him to touch me and he dragged me out of the Great Hall. I waved back to Aura and she just stared back at Ligma with yellows eyes filled with so much depression and sorrow. 

-

Later while I was skipping potions to smoke some weed and drugs, I took off my clothes to soak in the prefects massive bath. My ebony hair floated in the water and I closed my eyes. I must have fell asleep because i woke up I was staring dead in steel grey eyes that matched the colour of my not stolen quidditch boots. 

“What the fucking hell!” I screeched, kicking Takashi in the solar plexus.

He wheezed but his solid ass body didn't move and he raised hands with black nail polish on them up. He crossed them protectively over his broad chest that I would die to sit on.

“What are you d-doing here?” He asked, still panting heavily.

I stared at him passively before I noticed something I hadnt seen at the concert. On his meaty bicep in bloody gothic writing said “Adam” with a black heart with arrow threw it. Adam… Adam West?!

I was so pissed that I almost let his dick touch me that's also touched a prep. I kicked him again. That was so messed up 

“That fucking nerdy prefect in Gryffindor??” I exclaimed, pointing at the offending shitty art. He looked confused until he looked where i was pointing and then got it. Understanding dawned on his handsome face.

“We were but-- but he found out im a goth on the we--” Takashi pleaded. His lips touched that dumbass preps and then touched mine, what if I ingested loser? 

“No! Fuck you!” I shouted. “I fucking liked you!!” 

I stomped out of the water and started dressing sloppily. I was still soaking wet, and the leather just wasn't going up. I guess id go back to class then, fuck him. I grabbed my black MCR bag that was covered in flannel redpatches and had some pins and spikes and stuff on the straps and threw it over my shoulder. I heard the wet slapping of feet but stormed out back to Potions class. I needed to talk to Pillage before I sister snapped. 

I sat my fat ass down next to Pillage and she stared at me understatedy. She flipped her bright red and black hair and stared at me with electric yellow eyes like a light bulb that she had on her eyes. She had pale white make up on that made her look even more ghostly than usual. Katie was kidnapped when she was born, her real parents were Galra and one of them was a witch but Zarkon killed her brother and father, her mother wont speak to her or anyone. She still has occasional flashbacks when its convienent to the plot and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Gunderson and not Holt. Since We did the saiance that made her a satanist she's switched to Slytherin.

“Hes fucking dating Adam West.” I whined to her.

She rolled her yellow eyes at me,(that fucking prep) but still pretended to be shocked when I told her.

“Dude, who fucking cares? You're a slut in leather and Adams like, Hillary Duff circa 2008.” She replied .I crossed my arms and she patted me on the shoulder.

“We can go smoke in the forest later, if you're that upset about the beef cake.” She offered me. I nodded and we fist bumped our pale hands together.

When the snow and rain had finally stopped that night, I met up with Pillage, Ligma and a new guy named Punk in the Forbidden Forest. We all sat around, passing the rolled of devils lettuce between us. During the witching hour I sat there and sobbed over the Adonis’ biceps and Ligma complained that I was getting my useless gay all over him.

Then, all of the suddenly a.. Snapping turtle with yellow eyes and no nose and everything started sprinting at me at full force. He didnt have like, proper skin (Like Zarkon in Voltron) and he was wearing grey and dark red but it was obvious he wasnt “””Alternative”””. It was…. Zarkon!! 

“Fuck!” We all yelled in chorus. He almost looked impress and then he shouted at us “Imperious!” and none of us could move. 

“Crookshanks!” Pillage yelled. Zarkon wheezed and ate the dirt. Punk seemed to feel bad (even though he was hard as fuck) and made Pillage stop.

“Yorak--”

“Keith!” I cut him off.

“Keith!” He yelled. “Thou must kill Aura Altea!”

I thought about Aura and her smokey black eyes and white hair and how she looked kind of like Amy Lee. 

“What the fucking hell no!!” I shouted back.

Zarkon stocked up to me and shoved a gun into my hands. “Dude, no!” I begged. 

“Thou must!” He yelled in my face. Fucking rude ass turtle. “If thou does not, Ill take thy beloved Kuron and shank him in a back alley!” 

“I dont fucking like him!” I asked, absolutely denying it.

Zarkon got this dude-ur-such-a-fucking-bottom look on his face. “Everyone knows at Hogwarts, thy dumbass thot.” He answered cruelly. “And if you doth decide not to kill Aura, thou knows what will happen to Kuron.” He Shouted. Then he turned, and Naruto sprinted back out of the Forbidden Forest. 

I was terrified and sober as hell now, which was admittedly disappointing. 

“Duuuudeeeee who the frick is Kuron?” Punk asked me. 

I didn't have to give him The Eyes, Pillage and Ligma covered it for me. I sighed out, all depressed.


	3. life takerrrr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we gettin that Regris/Keith tag in today boyos. fuck u dreamworks, this is my world now.

I was pissed about Zarkon all day. I wass even snappy went to rehearels with my goth metal band Bloody Lions Jaw 666. Im the lead singer (and eye candy) and I play a electric banjo. People (My mom, Killer) say we sound like a cross between Metallica, Twenty One Pilots, My Chemical Romance and Artic Monkeys. The other peple in it are Ligma, Aura, Pillage and Hunk (although we call him Punk now and he has black hair with bright yellow streaks in it and his headband has black pentagrams all over it) and Regrid. Only today Aura isn't showing up because she was “refreshing her Aura” or whatever the fuck that meant so we wrote songs instead. She was probably just getting blazed in her dorm room with crystals and shit. I put on black leather pants with rips all up and down the legs and a crop top with long stripped sleeves that showed off the abs i got by bowing to satan so much. You may think im a slut for him, and youre 100% right. 

We were singing a cover of Car Radio and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears. 

“Keith! Dude are you good??” Ligma asked in a concerned voice.

“Bro, Im going fucking crying.” I answered angrily. I was going to look like a emo drowned rat after it. And then I word-vomitted. “Well you were fuckin there, Zarkon wants me to...kill Aura that little bitch But I dont want to because she has pretty crystals!! But if I dont kill her then hes going to kill Kuron and I dont like-like him but I do agh, fuck.” I collasped to the ground, crying manly tears.  
“Keith?” I heard a manly shout from the doorway. I already knew that timbre from my fantasies. I heard someone shout at Kuron that he was a muggle poser bitch, and then the door slam. Punk came over and helped me up. I slapped his hands away. 

We practised for one more hour. Then suddenly Kolivan came in all angrily! His eyes were all APA flame like the flames on my boots and I knew it wasn’t because his braid was too tight this time. 

“What did you do??” He said monotone. I saw one tear gently roll down his purple cheek and shuddered. “Yorak, Shiro has gone into the Forbidden Forest looking for Zarkon.”

“Yikes.” I said, horrified. Ligma tried to comfort me but I told him to fuck off and speed walked to my room at a less than reasonable pace just to piss of the school staff. Kolivan tried chasing after me but I out paced him because the old man just paces and doesn’t get in solid cardio. He gave up at the Slytherin dorms. 

Anyway, I started sweating tears of quintessence and then I threw Khaos a few pieces of prefect. He wanted cuddles at the same time which so isn’t metal, so I took off my clothes and jumped into the bath that was magically always filled with steaming cold water. I huffed angrily and put on Misery Business by Paramore at full volume and sunk under the cold water. It felt like tiny knives and was perfect for my depressing conflicting feelings. Fuck fuck him for going into the forest. It’s none of his fucking business even if it did, technically concern him. I got out of the bath and put on a black low-cut sweater and ripped jeans with all of these red patches over them. And then I put my black platforms on that I had put spikes on a few nights ago. Then, I put on a few upside down cross earrings in my ears. I couldn’t fucking believe he’d do that. I looked out the window and through the snow, hail and rain, I thought that I had seen two people on a broom with a camera. I didn’t give a fuck, so I ignored it and covered myself with a towel of Josh Dun in black and white on it. 

Suddenly, Aura appeared out of no where and threw crystals at my window. I jumped back in not fear, because I’m unphased by life. The crystals shattered my fucking window and I realized I had seen two people on broom, It was Coran and Alfor taking a video of me. 

“You have great form, Keith!” Coran screamed. Alfor nodded, giving me a thumbs up. I recoiled in slight fear. “Ava Kadavra!” Aura yelled, throwing more crystals. They dodged them easily because Aura is a bad shot. Or it was aliens. Kolivan seemed to finally catch up to me and yelled at Coran and Alfor. “Keith, it has appeared suddently that someone--”

Suddenly, Regris ran in on his bright purple broom and stared into my eyes. I knew what was coming. He wanted to “”talk””

“Fuck off Regris, Im not sucking your 15nth year dick.”

“I MAY BE IN 15NTH YEAR BUT IVE CHANGED KEITH.” He paused for dramatic effect angrily. “IM NOW A SATANIST”

“Dude what??” I yelled madly. Did he think me, Keith Yorak Thunderstorm Darkess Yee-haw Kogane was a filthy tumblr emo??

Alfor rubbed his hand where the crystals from Aura managed to cut him. “I saw you putting that outfit together, you normie.” Alfor said in a crisp voice. Coran waved a finger in Regris’s face. 

“Yes young sir, why are you doing this? You know Keith ony dates preps that are 8 feet across, goth on the weekends and could crush im between his thighs.” Coran cackled I glared at him. He looked sage.

“Because…. Because..” Regris paused inthe air dramatically, waving his wand (thankfully ebony oak one) in the air. Then he swooped closer to me despite being only like, two feet off the ground and started singing some shitty Good Charlotte song. I cringed as he got closer to me.

“Because you want to get your dick wet?” Aura said wisely. 

“beCAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

I cringed so hard the pure quintessence i downed earlyer started coming up my throat. I breifly entertained the idea of just letting it drown me just to get away from Regris. I tipped my head back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aura throwing dank crystals drenched in pure essiental oils at the window. https://twitter.com/_tootsonnewts/status/1120863862117556227?s=21


	4. curse of curves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I don’t know how to link shit but just know I searched emo on Spotify and that’s all I’ve listened to while writing this beast

I woke up in the Noir Lion Hospital, recovering from all of That quintessence loss from before. Regris came into my hospital bed, his furry tail (he attaches it to his jeans and is moving it with his hands) stroking my thigh holding a bouquet of a pink roses. 

“Keith, I need to explain something.” He said in a very deep,serious voice giving me the flowers. I put my middle finger up to him. 

“Stop touching my thigh.” I snapped at him, yanking the tail out of his jeans and throwing it across the room. “Besides, dude I don’t like like you. I’m not easy anymore. I have TASTE.” I told him. We had a fling where Id get dick in a broom closet and he literally has not let it go since I told him he wasn't “knotting” me or whatever. 

“Keith, first: rude.” He reached back and grabbed his tail. “Second: these aren’t roses.” He said smugly.

I squinted at the bouquet a little closer, despite the titillating pink destroying my retina. He didn’t even take the tag off that had a “reduced, quick sale” sticker on them. I looked at him and scoffed.

“I saved your life!” He threw the roses down on my black bed and yelled at me. “I didn’t know you kept crystals and essential oils on your person!” I replied. “Auras a fucking hippy. Shit.” He whispered to himself. Silently noting in his head that Keith prefers natural oils. 

“At Least she isn’t trying to get in my pants!” I yelled angrily, crossing my arms. 

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He purred. Suddenly, he got a saucy look in his eye and muttered “Well if you wanted honesty that all you had to say.”

“It’s not 2008 anymore.” I said, exparated.

“But it could be!”. Then he screamed “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!” And then the roses turned into a huge black flame in the middle of the air. And it was all black. I was almost impressed. 

“Cool. Where’s Kuron?” I’ve accepted my fate, that I do indeed may have a crush on him. Or I want him to wreck me, I haven't quite decided yet. I’ll pray to Satan later and ask his opinion. 

Regris rolled his eyes at me, I think. The stitched eyes of his dog head don’t really.. move. 

“You see, Keith.” Kolivan said, appearing out of whatever pocket dimension he resides in and watched the two of us watching the flame. “To see what’s in the flames, you just find yourself first, k?” He said serenely. 

“It’s not a phase old man!” Regris yelled at him. Kolivan stared at him completely deadpan. I still don’t know if Kolivan can actually see or if that’s just what his eyes do. 

Regris hopped of my bed and stormed off back to his bed. He stuffed his tail back into his jeans. 

Later, I got better and went back to Hogwarts of Bitch Craft and Misery and went into the prefects bathroom again. There were no preps or prefects to wave my knife at menacingly, so i was sad. I put on a tight leather strappy thing with a bunch of o-rings in the back. That had the arms ripped off at the elbow then i put on a large cape that covered my legs and put on black fishnets under it with pointy spikey boots that had really pointy toes. They were so pointy i accidentally cut myself while strapping them on. They had lil mogde pogde pictures of Gerard Way on the heels and everything, then i made my hair all wet and spiky looking with a mowahk so i looked like a dumb ass broom. I put on cherry red lipstick and black eyeliner with black lip gloss on my eyes. 

“You look tight as fuck dude.” Ligma said sadly. I grunted at him sadly, because I missed Kurons stupid ass face. I flopped into my pod, saddended while Khaos went off and attacked someone or something. All i heard was muffled yelling and i closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I went to some classes

I saw Aura in the Metal Care for Hard af Animals but I also saw Adam West. He looked all depressed and was wearing black. Apparently, hes looked like that since Kuron disappeared and the sensitive look was hot. He was staring me dead in the eys while sucking on his wand. It was disgusting.

“Hi,” He said in a obnoxiously nasally voice. “Howdy” I tipped my hat back at him. 

We both looked at each other for a while. I was too much of a man to look away from his beautiful yellow eyes and he was too intimidated to break the look. Then, he leaped over his desk and kissed me. He used too much tongue and vaugly reminded me of when Khaos foamed at the mouth for treats. 

“Stop it! You fucking horndogs, stop!” shouted Professor Honerva who was watching us like everyone else.

“Adam, you preppy fucker!” I screamed and slapped him right in his stupid face. “You know I slightly tolerate Kuron in my vicinity! Not you!” I yelled at him. Khaos growled menacingly and I ran out of there, black tears streaming down my pale face. 

“Ah shit” I thought is was regris but it was Aura. She started to scream in a monotone and claw at her face, “Nya!! That hurts!!” And then… her eyes rolled up and all you could see was her yellow whites!!

“Aura?!” I asked, turning my still seizing body to her. The quintessence spat out of my mouth. 

“I SEEE SOMETHING!” Aura cried 

“What?” I ran up to her in two strides. “I thought you weren’t Altman anymore!” I shouted. 

“I am, fuck you Keith. Pillage turns my marks into pentagrams for me” She said to me. 

“Save me!! They turned back pink, what will I do?? Anyways, I had a vision of your beefy prep.” Aura tried to feint into my arms, but I let her hit the ground. She looked completely unphased and continued talking to me. “Zarkon has him in bondage!”

I gasped. Adam gasped. The entire room had a collective gasp. Then me and Aura ran up the stairs looking for Kolivan. I wasn’t scared, but Adam looked more pasty than usual.

“Kolivan, Kolivan, Kolivan!” We chanted in his office, arms raised to the ceiling. It was a lot like that normie movie Wizard of Oz but egdier. Kolivans head popped out into the air, the rest of his body in another plain of existence. 

“What.” He said with more spite than usual.

“Zarkon has Shiro (we used his prep name so he would recognize him)” We said in unison. 

His eyes boarded into my non-existent soul. I used to have one, but Spencer’s had a sale and my mom refused to shell out anymore money for me. 

“Ew no. We don’t need to go through ‘saving’ one of your trysts again, Yorak.” He said meanly. Sort of. “He brings up this entire schools gpa by 0.01 point but Zarkons scary so..” Then he dissapeared back into his pocket demension like an asshole. I felt one single quintessence tear go down my pallid face and I moaned like a dying cat.

Aura tried to rub some spearmint essiental oils into my neck to calm me down. I smacked it out of her hand and she gasped suddenly. “I have a idea!” She exclaimed, clapping her black nailed hands together. 

I stared at her wearily as she started emptying her essiental oil bottles and stepping on them. The room smelled like shit and pyramid schemes. She pointed her wand at the mess and suddenly, the clear juices started moving into a pentagram around us. The edges burst into flame and she shoved me threw.


	5. crushcrushcrush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y’all for encouraging my bs. I dunno how to end stories so this is the best I got

We appeared in a gothic black smoke in what looked way too similiar to a sex dungeon. We heard zarkon so we started running to where he probably was. Spoiler: He wasnt there, it was just a unending loop for his own wheezy laugh. Me and Aura looked at eachother in shock. Instead, A soccer mom who taught slicing class. Kuron was there, crying tears of quintessence while Haggar licked it up like a freak( I dont blame her honestly, Id wanna get my tongue on that jaw line too,) and tied down to a table using purple ribbon. I was equal parts revulted and low-key my dick was steadily approaching 12am. Haggar looked up at us and hissed Aura waved her wand menacingly at her the tip dripping in peppermint oil. I charged and put myself in between Haggar and Kuron.  
“Emos! My only weakness!” Haggar shouted. I pulled out my knife (My actual knife, you perv) and with the force of all the chaotic energy in my being, extended the knife into a ebony blade that shimmered a translucent yellow and shot it at Haggar. Then, suddenly her eyes turned from a evil galra yellow to a normal preppy colour and she looked at me fondly. 

“???” I asked  
“Your ass looks great in those pants. Your dad had the same pair.” She said, winkly cruelly. I gagged and then laughed in her face. “You can fuck my dad, but not my man.” I said angrily. Then I drove that fucker through her heart like I was Buffy the Vampire slayer. Quintessence poured out of her like a fountain and hit me in the eye. I didnt blink, its not the first time ive had a undentifiable liqiud in there. 

Haggar screamed. She screamed even louder and carefully extracted herself off of my dank sword and started flailing around and screaming. Aura was not amused, so she took out the salt she usually kept to ward off demons and poured the whole damn thing on her. Then, that crusty soccer mom fell down and died dramatically. 

“Haggar, Snookums, Honey, Sweetie what are thou doing?” called Zarkon. I could feel his big dick energy approaching in time with his steps so Me and Aura scurried to untie Kuron. Daddy was knocked the fuck out, but he still looked so good that he made my hands sweety and moist. I growled and then just cut him the fuck out of there but i looked back and the turtle looking fuck was standing in the giant ass brick doorway. He was turned sideways because his whole width couldnt fit through it. 

“What have thou done to my precious bae?!?!?!” He cried out, dropping to the ground. I scoffed at him and went over and picked up my mans. My platform boots gave me height, but we werent even eye level so his knees scraped the ground a bit. Aura flipped her waist length white hair at him and went to straddle her broom to get out of there. I pushed my dummy thic mans onto the back of her broom because i wouldnt be able to fly with that bulk at my back and a hard rod betwween my legs. Aura complained loudly but yeilded then i went over to Zarkon and stared at him from under my deep ebony black mullet. He looked at me all depressed.

“Thou cannot stop me thot.” He roared. I blinked slowly at him. “I will destroy you and Aura Altea. Ill kill your precious Kuron you mullet poser fuck!.” He hissed at me like a snake. I bent down, un strapped my heavy boots and threw it at him. But Ligma shot him. My boot made contact with his hard outter shell. I looked over and that fucker had the gall to wink at me. 

He blew off the type of his blue and black spiked hand gun and posed dramatically. “Im helping you get fucked!” He cried. Pillage and Punk scurried out from behind him. I frowned at all of them, but at Ligma especially.

“I can get dick myself!” I muttered loudly under my breath.

“Sure Jan.” He sauntered over to Aura and plopped his ass bhind kuron also on her broom. “Ligma. Off.” Aura barked at him, doing a cool little flip thing that had Ligma on the ground. I didnt stay though, instead snatching Kuron up to cradle in my arms (better than my bacm, where he should be) and flew back to Hogwarts. I felt a single black tear slide down my face but i wiped it away with a pale white hand. 

I brought him to the hospital and then i went to my room. “Whats up?” asked Ligma, throwing himself over my black Mindless Self Indulgence quilt. 

“Its not fucking fair!” I cursed, punching Lynz Way in the way. “Why cant he be a ugly prep? Why does he have to be buff and emo and fuck.” I sheilded my eyes with my hat. “Why cant he just be normal?” I shouted, destroying the fuck out of my quilt. “Why cant he just look like you!!” I cried. Ligma scoffed but patted my hard hair and sprinted out. I passed out in deep gay misery. 

-

When i woke up Khaos was biting the shit out of my foot and whining. I got up and put on a large black ripped sweater with black fishnets with big holes in them and thigh high socks. I put on my quidditch boots that had red pentagrams all over them and put on a big spiky choker. I couldnt really look down, but i sure as hell could look up. I threw Khaos some quintessence soaked stakes and went to biology. I did some advanced Biology work. We were turning things into a weird time portal thing to see if anyone could get Kolivan. Suddenly, one of the portals turned into Kuron, except he had white hair and floaty arm thing. It was so fucking tight, and *big*.

“Keith?!” He shouted loudly I also noticed he had black streaks down his eyes all messy and down his chin. “Kuron?!” I roared and launched myself over my desk. I caught Adam West in the side of the head with my pure metal boots and my smile grew.

“Keith. You… You saved me.” He continued shouting, despite me falling into his strong chest and thicc biceps. 

“We saved eachother.” I whispere. We kissed passively and he shoved his tongue down my throat. Then, we went to my room and he put his massive thingy into my ass and we did it for the first time (togther)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come yell at me on Twitter about how much u hate this: @uwukeres

**Author's Note:**

> accompanying art can be found here: https://twitter.com/_tootsonnewts/status/1120173851525177346?s=21 of Keith’s wide ass hat


End file.
